Never did I realise that a day will come when the man I thought was the strongest in the world would be lying in front of me, helpless, defenseless and dependent. The man I thought who will always be there to hold me if I fall, would one day need my support to help him even sit.
The man who taught me how to speak, read and write would one day be unable to say what he wants, what he needs.
But never ever did I think that a day would come when the man who was there to hold me each time I cried, who would stand by me whether I were wrong or right, would no longer be there, not at least in sight.
Losing a parent is heartbreaking, but losing a parent who is your best friend is worse! You no longer have someone you can confide in one hundred per cent, you no longer have someone who you know will be there till the end.
My father was my best friend, my pillar of strength, my bank, my driver, my fashion designer, my DJ, my dance partner, my drinking buddy - he was actually my everything.
I sometimes forget he's not around especially when I have BIG news! Because no matter how small my news would be for the world, my news would always be BIG for him.
He once told me "the day you were born, lady luck entered my life. The day you started walking I realised 'calamity jane' was by my side. The day you started talking I knew a day would come when my ears will fall off. But the day you started thinking I knew you would be perfectly fine if you ever were alone." That day I laughed it off, not realising he probably was telling me something.
Today I do, today I know that I can and I will be perfectly fine even if I am all alone and that's because I have his arms around me like a blanket ready to catch me if I fall, to shut me up before I say anything wrong, to help me change my path if I ever go astray, to help me live my life every single day.
I miss you so much pa, but I know your time had come. I just wish I had clicked pictures of your chubby hands and smelly feet. I wish I had recorded your voice when you would sing to me. Because out of everything, these parts of you are slowly fading my memory and I'm trying so hard baba to hold on but its like sand between my fingers, the tighter I hold the faster its slipping away.
Pa, I hope I meet you someday so that I can just hold you and finally be your spoilt brat (which honestly I miss so much). I wish I could just hear you say my name just once more and that would be more than enough. I wish I could just once more measure my hand against yours. But I know these wishes will remain as they are.
I just want to say one thing to you which I never ever did because I never realised I needed too, but now I do: "Baba, thank you for everything. Thank you for being my everything. Thank you for standing up against ma for me. Thank you for following that bus and making me get down that day, coz the people were just terrible! Thank you for my watch, it keeps me on time. Sorry for being a pain, sorry for all the tantrums I threw and all my manipulative plots you fell into. Sorry if I do anything wrong. I miss you, yes. But I know you'll always be here."
The man who taught me how to speak, read and write would one day be unable to say what he wants, what he needs.
But never ever did I think that a day would come when the man who was there to hold me each time I cried, who would stand by me whether I were wrong or right, would no longer be there, not at least in sight.
Losing a parent is heartbreaking, but losing a parent who is your best friend is worse! You no longer have someone you can confide in one hundred per cent, you no longer have someone who you know will be there till the end.
My father was my best friend, my pillar of strength, my bank, my driver, my fashion designer, my DJ, my dance partner, my drinking buddy - he was actually my everything.
I sometimes forget he's not around especially when I have BIG news! Because no matter how small my news would be for the world, my news would always be BIG for him.
He once told me "the day you were born, lady luck entered my life. The day you started walking I realised 'calamity jane' was by my side. The day you started talking I knew a day would come when my ears will fall off. But the day you started thinking I knew you would be perfectly fine if you ever were alone." That day I laughed it off, not realising he probably was telling me something.
Today I do, today I know that I can and I will be perfectly fine even if I am all alone and that's because I have his arms around me like a blanket ready to catch me if I fall, to shut me up before I say anything wrong, to help me change my path if I ever go astray, to help me live my life every single day.
I miss you so much pa, but I know your time had come. I just wish I had clicked pictures of your chubby hands and smelly feet. I wish I had recorded your voice when you would sing to me. Because out of everything, these parts of you are slowly fading my memory and I'm trying so hard baba to hold on but its like sand between my fingers, the tighter I hold the faster its slipping away.
Pa, I hope I meet you someday so that I can just hold you and finally be your spoilt brat (which honestly I miss so much). I wish I could just hear you say my name just once more and that would be more than enough. I wish I could just once more measure my hand against yours. But I know these wishes will remain as they are.
